I wish I could punch you in the face.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
