My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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