i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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