Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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