I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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