I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
