eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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