my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
