I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
