can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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