i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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