I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
