He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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