Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
