She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
