This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
