Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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