Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
