be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I sprained my soul last night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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