oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize