So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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