She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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