i would punch a child for taco bell
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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