Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
