Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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