is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
