I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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