you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
pray to the hookup gods
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
