He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
