Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize