I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
