peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
not ubering you a puppy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
