fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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