god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
