I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
