im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
