Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
