Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
