Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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