My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
