good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
