she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dick very happy bro
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
