It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
