I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize