I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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