If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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