Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
