"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
