i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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