when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
no more duck duck goose at the bar
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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