I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
