SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
we're so committed to being not committed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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