what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
