i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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