i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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