i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize