Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize