can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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