I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
