I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
