We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
