Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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