My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
