i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
