My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
