found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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