I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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