he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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